The holidays can be rough even without the added fun of depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. Here are a few tips I use for getting through the holidays with mental illness.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, therapist, and I’m definitely not giving any medical advice. These are things I’m doing that you might find useful.
Don’t Push Yourself
This is a tough one. On one hand, you may have traditions you feel like you have to keep or people you feel obligated to see. On the other, you’ve got to take care of yourself. (You know that metaphor where you have to put on your own oxygen mask on a plane before helping anyone else? There ya go.)
When you’re getting through the holidays with mental illness, sometimes those things need to be put on hold. There may be events that fill you with dread, family members that trigger you, or constant reminders of times or people no longer in your life. So whenever possible, if it’s going to cause you additional mental suffering — don’t do the thing.
You may be thinking, okay, but what about my kid’s dance recital? Or visiting my grandmother who loves me dearly? I like to ask myself the following whenever I don’t want to go somewhere: “If I miss this event, will my absence seriously disappoint someone I care about? Will my presence make someone else feel good and enjoy the event more? Can I get through this event without long-term negative consequences on my mental well-being?” If the answer is yes to each one, I go. I will give myself permission to dip out early if I need to, but I go. (Tip: Drive yourself or make sure you can grab an Uber or public transportation so you’re not having to wait on a ride if you need to leave.)
…Unless You Want To Try Acting “As If”
This is something I learned in therapy, and it works most of the time. If I am not feeling like doing something small (like putting up my tree or watching a Christmas movie), I’ll do it any way. Many times I’ll actually enjoy whatever it is, and it’ll put me in a better mood.
For instance, right now, I am making myself get up, get showered, put on makeup, and go see my best friend’s kids in a play. I would much rather stay in my pajamas and rewatch Fleabag for the tenth time, but I’m going to go anyway.
Keep Doing The Healthy Shit
Don’t abandon your usual routine of self-care. If you go to therapy, keep going to therapy. If you take meds, stay on your meds. This is one sounds deceptively simple, but it’s easy to get busy and overwhelmed during the holidays. (I’m really bad about remembering to refill my medications when I get busy.)
It can help to have someone to check in on you to make sure you’re staying on track, but if you don’t have someone in your life that is available, even post-it notes or reminders in your calendar can help. I feel better about myself when I take care of my skin, so I have a reminder in my phone every night at 8:00 to do my skincare. Do I skip it sometimes? Of course. But I’m able to keep it up most days.
Also, for me personally, alcohol usually makes me feel way worse about life when I’m having a hard time. If you similarly find that substances are more helpful than harmful, avoid them or limit your intake. Bring a mocktail or alcohol-free drink mix with you to celebrations. You could also try a drink with adaptogens and/or CBD (I really like Untitled Art’s strawberry flavor) to boost your mood without the negative side-effects. (Again, talk to your doctor or therapist before you try anything new!)
Make An “Emergency” List
This is another trick I learned in therapy years ago that I find super helpful.
What is (realistically) the worst case scenario for situations you might be in this holiday season? It could be seeing a certain person, an unkind comment being made, having a panic attack in Target. Make a list of how you will take care of yourself if you get triggered. For example, this could be your list if a relative is a jerk to you at a holiday:
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- Go the bathroom and remind myself that [relative] is an a-hole who takes out her problems on other people
- Tell myself, “I am safe, I am okay, [relative] doesn’t have the ability to hurt me anymore”
- If I feel like I need to leave, I will drive home
- Call or text [friend] (who is on call for me and knows I might reach out
- Go home and take a bubble bath and take a CBD gummy
- Journal out how I’m feeling and email my therapist in the morning if I need an emergency session
I have literally been doing this technique since college, and it is one of the best tools I utilize for easing anxiety.
Don’t Forget – The Holidays Don’t Last Forever
The season (thankfully? sometimes sadly?) has an end. Come early January, things will go back to normal, and it can be helpful to remember that there is a very definitive light at the end of the tunnel.
Until next year at least. And who knows? Maybe shit will be a lot better by then.
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